April 2013
1 post
November 2012
1 post
tears
it’s been a while
but these tears are so familiar
i can never not recognize it
the denial is over
it cannot be helped
-grief
the acceptance of change
the acknowledgement of loss
August 2012
8 posts
prelude
‘height of stupidity’
this very, very, very stupid mistake will be the turning point
this will be the key to my decision
and this decision will be mine alone
solely internal, no external factors
i’m done
and i’m tired of being stupid at work
because my disinterest has reached its limits
i badly need to get out of this situation
my ‘i know i don’t want...
Tennis
in sports, tennis is the love of my life..and the one that got away.. currently watching prince of tennis anime and all i can imagine is how my fave tennis players play in real life and how the moves match theirs. it’s nice to know how they’re named. Sampras’, Agassi’s, Hewitt’s, Roddick’s - my favorite players. i’ve always known how they play this game;...
actually
i don’t believe that you are not aware
but you do what you do
you did what you did
maybe not intending to
but you played with my emotions
and maybe i should have known
but you also should have known for that
i may hold a grudge
you were not the first
and believe me,
you probably won’t notice it
or maybe you would
and still think that nothing’s wrong
but everything...
anew
i’m ready
i’m free
the baggage has been lifted off of me
a thousand ton of weight on my shoulder is gone there’s no need to look back
nothing else matters now this is the break i have been waiting for
i can now move forward without thinking back
no-one else and nothing else matters
but ME for the first time in my life
I will become my priority first taste of...
“..longing for work to begin and, when i’m working, longing to get back to...”
– 11 mins - P.C.
=(
but i’m still sad and a bit mad at myself.
this lesson cost me a fortune!
hahai
getting started
how many more mistakes will i make before i’ll be able to stand on my own with success?
how long do i have to keep swallowing my pride to be able to say i’m good to go?
how long do i have to keep up with my guilt and frustration to myself?
now, i am making my own mistakes.
there is no one else to blame.
i think i need to learn to forgive myself and move forward, keeping my head...
July 2012
19 posts
HxH
Gon knows what he wants to do, Killua doesn’t. But Killua knows what he doesn’t want to do. I guess i still don’t know what i want to do because i’m busy with what i don’t want to do. does this mean i’ll have to get pass with the things i don’t want to do before knowing what i want to do and be able to act on it? AAAhhhh
sinking
i’m setting a definite goal for myself
i need to get a new job before the year ends
and since i can’t decide for a specific work preference
without changing my mind about it almost everyday
anything that will come up would do
as long as it entails a change in scenery
i’m losing my mind drastically
and don’t think i can keep up any longer
i’m in big trouble
...
still-ness
what if what i want is to do nothing?
i don’t want responsibilities.
i want to stay right where i am.
watch all the series that i want.
don’t have to clean the house
or wash the dishes
or cook for food
or just think of anyone but me.
i want to be lazy.
forever.
i’m tired of thinking.
and doing.
i just don’t want to do anything.
what if i quit my job.
go back...
confused instead
horoscope:
Just because a couple of your recent hunches were slightly off the mark doesn’t mean that your intuitive skills have bitten the dust! Don’t lose confidence in your gut today, because it will help you steer clear of some unpleasant people. Listen when that little voice says ‘don’t trust this person.’ You are an excellent judge of character, and you will...
self talk bullets
i can never trust myself
i always end up betraying myself
palabra de honor - note to self
i’m a hazard to myself - no wonder (why) i love this line so much
realization: when i realize something, it only has a 24-48-hour lifespan
bullets 2012
it is time to do things on my own (i know, the only difference is, this time, i think i don’t have the urge to rely on anyone else anymore and that i’m finally coming to my own senses. i think i’m liberated and and i’m shaking to the thought of it. i sure hope i’m not mistaken. kai i super duper like the feeling nga dili mg.agad sa uban taw. i know, i should have...
instinct
i have always trusted my instinct
i almost always never doubted it more than anything else
it is sometimes misinterpreted as pessimism
but expecting something negative to come up
differs from being negative from the beginning
i don’t know when, how or why i stopped
or just lost my track of my instinct
but i have a good feeling
that this year might just be the year
i’m about...
arguements
we are responsible for ourselves
and for our actions and the decisions
that we make everyday
that affects the course of the path
we take in our lives
i know what i’m doing
i know what is right from wrong
i know what is good from bad
and i know what is best for my self
—
i am aware of everything i do
every other options-better or not
and i am well aware of every...
playing cupid
oh yes
my horoscope is playing cupid
here’s what it has to say
and i’m pretty sure this is the worst
if not the best
of my favorites
Beautiful words will turn anyone’s head today, so if you have been working up the courage to make your move on a certain someone, today is the day to do it! Get creative and think outside the box with how you approach the situation. Writing...
worry-ies
now i’m freakin’ freaked out. i am becoming apathetic. this is not me and it bothers me so much to realize that i am now. i used to hate my guilt but i’n not so sure if i like that i am able to just switch it off so easily. i don’t care anymore. at some point, it makes me glad that i do but i later on, i’m not so happy about it because it’s gone way too far that...
my world
i realized something
again
— i don’t want to have someone or anyone
who would make me go out
and see the world
i want someone or anyone
who could get in
and see my world for what it is
and be able to stay
and be with me in it
—credits to D.D.D.
to answer:
just give yourself a general idea of where you want things to go. Where do you want to be living? What kind of job environment do you want? Answering these questions will help you see a new path.
WHERE -this is harder than i thought..i don’t exactly know where i want to live but i know for sure that i want to be in the city. any city will do. i want the busy, fast-paced life. a place...
affirmation
today’s horoscope:
If your career is your main focus right now, that’s as it should be. You have all the clarity you need to fully understand the opportunities in front of you right now, so take a moment today to make some plans for your future. You don’t have to schedule everything down to the minute — just give yourself a general idea of where you want things to go....
time
i’m running out of time
hah!
just wanted to know how it feels to have those words said
stream of thoughts once again
time and relativity
sometimes
i wish time is longer
or shorter
i wish too much
i often miss the moments it
time
i have so much of it
in the wrong time
and feel having less of it
when i think the time is right
is it me?
or is it time?
or is it us?
and our...
only this line
‘sometimes i wonder if i’d ever make it through.’ make it through life-
to live a meaningful, purposeful, worthy, happy life-
24 years:
10 years
6 years
4 years
6 months
2 years shift:
will i ever find a place to call home?
somewhere i would belong.. shift:
this how i would describe my thoughts, my mind- it is a big, black, bubble-like room
it’s dark,...
HAAD RN - FAILED
I FAILED.
pero, i’m not so depressed about it. maybe kai wla pa ni.sink in or kai right from the start, i expected it nah..kai i know it was a rush..and i’ve asking for signals and i’ve been rejecting what i’m seeing lang..but it was like, it all happened for a reason, i mean, it has to happen for me to realize ‘this’. ‘this’...
June 2012
28 posts
sOs
this is a safe place
an open space to vent out
unwanted, unrestrained thoughts and feelings this is the best place
a plain page to let out
contained, controlled negativity and pessimism
this is the only place
where it is free to be free
sense of security
dreams-interpreted
you reconciled with her and i found out on facebook. rxn: i was hurt. but thought it was expected. either her again or another girl.
you came to me and asked. rxn: i wanted to tell you but i’m overpowered with doubts. so so so it seems, the feelings i’ve been avoiding and the possible situations i’m not trying to imagine are creeping me in my dreams. like my other brain is...
passing-
i like to go to the church alone because i don’t want to be seen by people, specially by the ones i knew and knew me. i don’t know why. i just love being alone inside. no distractions.
the church is a safe place for me.
i may not be adherent to what my religion practices but i know my faith and my actions are rooted in the same belief.
i feel most at peace inside the church,...
random.pessimism
i get pressured and stressed out with all the wrong, minor reasons
i realized i have no control over my body, my emotions, my life and it frustrates me to hell
i am an escapist..too much of an escapist
i hate being insecure but i can’t help it (insecurities towards my sisters) -being the chubbiest, shortest, ugliest-hair,face,body
heartbreak
i’ve always wanted to become a doctor. my mother said, i was three when i started telling people i wanted to become a doctor when i grow up. now, i’m a grown up person who still wants to become one.
i’ve always loved watching medical dramas. but of course, i’m a nurse and it’s just typical to be inclined to such. the thing is, i never really liked those that are...
the words that spoke of a child’s dream
...
Grammy and Whitney's Death →
one sided
over the years
everything has been one sided
the struggle, the pain
the love, the hopes
once again
i’m being pushed towards the border
of keeping the feeling to myself
or letting it all out to my dismay in the end
i’ve been here before
countless times
specifics may differ
still, the same story
this makes me doubt myself
have i really moved on?
maybe i have
but...
temporary
i am filled with joy and happiness
and i am glad to embrace this feeling
i know it’s temporary,
and it may not be real
i’ll take it anyway
i need to learn to savour moments like this
: Coping with depression; Over view →
agoodmindmatters:
Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to do what you need to feel better. But while overcoming depression isn’t quick or easy, it’s far from impossible. You can’t beat it through sheer willpower, but you do have some control—even if your…
where.ness
maybe i have perfected the art of driving everyone away.
‘there used to be a reason why i had to be alone tonight. something from my history. or have i lost my memory.’
sometimes, i wonder how i became who i am right now.
i look back and i try to understand what happened.
i think about the things i have done and the reasons behind.
i never (or very seldom) feel lonely...
Mindfulness Exercise →
yourillusionisstillalive:
Mindfulness Exercise
Try to become mindful or conscious of your breathing. Sit comfortably in a chair, with your feet on the floor and your hands on your lap or resting on the chair, or sit comfortably on the floor. Close your eyes if you are comfortable with it,…
doing
i do a lot
i do a lot of eating
a lot of sleeping
and of thinking
i do a lot
unexpectedly expected
i am a fool to believe
the story remains the same
i should have known better
no
i know better
i just refuse to see
what’s happening right in front of me
this is beyond madness
like a plague on the inside
but i did this to myself
and i’m well aware
i am the only one who can end this
‘i am my own worst enemy’
